


Traditions Old and New

by Smart_heart



Category: Hilda (Cartoon)
Genre: Christmas fic, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28304793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smart_heart/pseuds/Smart_heart
Summary: It’s Kaisa’s first Christmas with Johanna, and though she doesn’t want to, she can’t seem to stop thinking that her slightest mistake could ruin everything.Contains slight by spoilers for season 2
Relationships: Johanna | Hilda's Mum/The Librarian (Hilda)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 64





	Traditions Old and New

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas y’all! This fic is not at all canon compliant, I just wanted to write something in time for Christmas and here it is! Probably will post another holiday fic later, but for now I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> Also, Freya is a familiar the fandom created for Kaisa, in case you don’t know her. Here are the credits and also visual aid: https://the-hilda-librarians-wife.tumblr.com/post/612779249624121344/okay-so-i-was-thinking-that-the-librarian-would

The winter months had always been held dear in Kaisa’s heart. It was, undoubtedly, the most magical time of the year.

That was, however, due to the Winter Solstice and the fact that she usually had more time to study magic during that season. Apart from that, she didn’t really have many strong feelings about the festive season. Her family had never truly celebrated it, and once Yule was over their few decorations would be stored away only to be seen the next year.

Clearly, things were bound to be different that Christmas.

“How many Christmas lights does one person need?” She thought to herself as she and Hilda stopped in front of a ridiculously decorated house. Webs of red lights climbed up the walls, as green lights were criss-crossed over them in the horizontal, making the house look like one big gift. Of course, she knew about Christmas decorations, but since the cold temperature usually made her inclined to remain at home or in the library, she’d never truly explored the city during winter to know that such peculiar tastes even existed.

“David’s family is… excited about Christmas, it seems.” The girl commented, moving with difficulty to the door of said house. Johanna had wrapped her in so much clothing that Kaisa didn’t even know how she managed to walk, but she was under no illusion that she wouldn’t take some layers off as soon as she turned her back.

“It’s… beautiful, isn’t it?” Kaisa asked, even though she didn’t agree. Their own house had been lavishly decorated for the holiday, an infinity of tiny details that made her fear she’d break one of them at any time. She’d been surprised when Johanna had pulled a huge box of Christmas decorations from their closet weeks ago, and it was that evening, as she and her daughter placed its contents all around the apartment, that Kaisa realized she’d signed up for something she was not in the least familiar with.

“I think it’s a bit of an eyesore, to be honest.” Hilda admitted, making Kaisa cringe. Bad move. “It blocks starlight.”

“Yes, right. Of course.”

Not knowing what to say, Kaisa would have allowed the silence to extend itself indefinitely had Hilda not spoken.

“You’ll pick me up when you’re finished?”

That was what the librarian had first suggested when they were leaving the house, but in Hilda’s eyes she saw a hope for for her to say ‘no’. Kaisa couldn’t blame her, certainly baking Christmas cookies with her friends was more interesting than helping her new step mother wrap presents.

“You know the way home, don’t you?”

“Sure.” Hilda shrugged.

“Then just be back before it gets dark. I won’t limit your time with the kids.”

Opening a big smile, Hilda hugged Kaisa’s waist. In return, she petted her head.

“Thanks Kaisa! You’re the best.”

_#_#_#_

After dropping Hilda off with her friends, the librarian found herself walking aimlessly around the streets of Trolberg. The stores were all either crammed with people or closed, and it served her well for waiting until the twenty third to buy her gifts. In her defense, Christmas shopping wasn’t something she was used to doing.

On her way to the bookstore, she passed by a jewelry store with a shining showcase, a small smile moving her lips as her feet stopped on their own in front of it. For a few fanciful seconds, she ran her eyes through the rings and imagined buying the middle one, one with a rose gold band and a stone that looked like the one in her wand, and giving it to Johanna. In her mind, she got down on one knee in front of that stupidly tall Christmas tree on their living room and asked for her hand in marriage right at midnight.

Shaking her head, she brushed those thoughts off. It was their first Christmas together as a couple, and they were already getting odd stares from people who thought they were moving too fast by moving in together after barely an year of dating. The ring would have to wait. Maybe next Christmas, she told herself, when they were both already sure of what life together felt like.

But the dilemma continued: what _should_ she get Johanna? Hilda’s gift would be easy enough. All Kaisa would have to do was walk into the bookstore, select something that was absolutely too dangerous to be on a child’s hands, and be sure the kid would love it. But what about Johanna? Being not only her girlfriend, but also the librarian, she knew exactly what her taste in books were. There was something that didn’t please her about the idea of gifting her a book, though. Since she liked reading more than Johanna, it felt like she was taking her own wishes in consideration, rather than her girlfriend’s.

“Honestly.” Attracting some stares in her direction as she crossed the bookstore’s doors, Kaisa groaned. “A holiday has no business in being this hard.”

_#_#_#_ 

_Left side, then the right side, next the bottom and the top,_ she thought to herself as she attempted to wrap bright red paper around the book she had bought for Hilda. It looked horrendous. A five year old could probably wrap a present better than that.

Kaisa was still frowning at her poorly done arts-and-crafts project when Johanna entered the apartment. As she closed the living room door behind herself, both the witch and the two pets that inhabited the house startled and looked up at her.

“That commission’s out of the way!” The woman stated cheerfully, referring to the client meeting she’d just gone to to deliver the project she’d worked on. Opposite to Freya, who had turned back to sleep when she realized it was Johanna that had returned and not some burglar, Twig ran to Johanna. “Now I’m free until after Christmas.”

Kaisa smiled as she watched her girlfriend take off her coat and beanie and crouch down to pet Twig. She knew how much it mattered to Johanna to be free for the holidays. Recently, she’d discovered that the festive season meant a great deal to the family she’d just joined. Since it had been just the two of them (or three, if you counted Twig) in the wilderness, their traditions was as well established as they were tightly knit.

Christmas mattered a lot in that house, and it was all the more fuel for Kaisa’s nerves. She was the odd one out there, and though they never made her feel like such, she knew she was. Anything she did wrong would taint years worth of good memories, and it felt almost like an impossible task to not ruin anything.

Without noticing it, she had lowered her eyes back to the gift she’d attempted to wrap, noticing that her catowl had fallen back asleep on top of her supply of wrapping paper. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if she was getting anywhere with that, anyway.

“Kai?” Johanna called her attention with a soft tone as she sensed some melancholy in her girlfriend’s demeanor. Before the witch noticed it, Johanna had sat down cross legged by her side.

“Don’t look down!” She said quickly. “I don’t… I don’t want you to see your gift.”

Chuckling, Johanna smiled at her. “Don’t worry, I’ve no reason to look anywhere but at you.”

Even as she blushed and as her short hair fell over her face, the fact that something was still bothering her didn’t escape Johanna’s notice, and she gently closed her fingers around Kaisa’s wrist.

“Is everything alright, sweetheart?”

“It is!” Kaisa assured her way too quickly. “I just realized that I don’t really know how to wrap presents.”

Squinting just slightly, Johanna looked deep into Kaisa’s eyes to try and find any signs that she was lying. Though there weren’t any, she correctly assumed there was something else bothering her, but didn’t press for more information. She’d tell her when she felt comfortable with it.

“Well, you don’t have to wrap them. You told me once that your father would ask his familiar to hide your gifts and you had a little hunt on Yule night. Why don’t you do that? Maybe Twig and Freya could hide them.”

Like she understood every word, Freya opened one eye as if to say “don’t you dare”. Still, it wasn’t her familiar’s lack of disposition that put her off the idea, but looking at Johanna and Hilda’s neatly wrapped presents by the base of the tree.

“Thank you, but I think I’ll keep on trying.”

“Okay, then. Don’t worry too much about that, Hilda is going to tear through it like a beast, anyway.” Kaisa forced herself to chuckle at that, knowing it was Johanna’s attempt to put her at ease. “Now hide those presents.”

“What?” She lifted her eyebrows and turned to her girlfriend. “Why?”

“Because you didn’t want me to see them and I want to cuddle. Come now, it’s terribly cold outside and you’re warm.”

 _Yes_ , Kaisa thought as they both laid down on the carpeted floor after she had put the gifts behind the tree. _I need to keep on trying. For her._

_#_#_#_

Early morning sunlight streamed in through the window, lighting up Johanna’s side of the bed, but not hers. Kaisa sat there, alone in the dark except for her owlcat, which purred in her lap as she ran her fingers through her mixture of dark feathers and fur.

“I’m worried, Freya.” She whispered. Though it might seem silly for the outside observer for someone to talk to their pet, the bond between a witch and their familiar was strong enough for Kaisa to know Freya understood every word. “What if they realize how different my reality has always been? How I know nothing of their world? Maybe she’ll think… maybe she’ll think we’re too different to be together.”

Noticing the tears on her witch’s eyes, Freya finally stopped purring and stretched herself so their foreheads would touch.

Ever since she and Johanna had begun dating, she’d been introduced to a universe of light. Late night calls, morning walks, making cocoa for each other, baking cookies when they felt like it and reading together under the covers. All those things once so distant had become her routine, one undoubtedly filled with warmth. It was only with the cold outside that Kaisa was coming to realize how unfit for warmth she was. Still, she wanted to keep it. Oh, how she wanted to keep all she’d been given, even though she well knew she had nothing to give in return. 

She desperately wanted to get that right.

Still trying to calm herself down by connecting with her familiar, Kaisa startled when a scream and a loud thud echoed in the apartment, getting up in a hurry without as much as changing out of her pajamas. She ran to the living room while terrible scenarios crossed her mind, and gasped when she arrived to see Hilda on the floor.

“What is _happening_?!”

To her surprise and relief, the girl giggled. 

“I was trying to reach the top of the tree to put the star on, but I lost my balance.” She explained while Johanna offered her a hand to get her up again, and Twig sniffed her feet as he worriedly looked for wounds.

“Good thing Alfur had suggested we put some pillows on the floor in case this happened.” Johanna said, making Kaisa notice both Tontu and Alfur had been watching the attempt to finish decorating the tree. “This tree certainly is taller than the one we had back at home. And you’re getting heavier too, young lady.”

“Must be all those jorts.” Hilda joked. Johanna smiled, even though it looked tight. It was clear that the girl hadn’t been hurt, but judging by how Johanna rolled her shoulders and grimaced upon doing so, it was clear that trying to lift her daughter up hadn’t been the greatest idea.

“Maybe we would have more success if you helped!” The woman chirped as she tried to not let her soreness show, which made Kaisa look away from her.

She’d already received the invitation to help with the star when she woke up, but knowing that this was something the two of them were used to doing together, she denied. Johanna had probably only asked her to be polite, for she certainly would not want anyone intruding in her bonding moment with her daughter. With Hilda going out with her friends so much, she didn’t get as many of those as she used to. The fact that the first year when that had gone wrong was also the first Christmas in which Kaisa was with them made her feel like it was her fault, somehow. 

Not to mention that she didn’t want Johanna to notice she’d been on the brink of crying moments before.

“No, I don’t think I’d be much help. I’m shorter than you and definitely not stronger.”

“Oh.” Both girls looked crestfallen, though Kaisa couldn’t tell why. It was true, and it was not like she could change her height.

“Well, in that case, why don’t we go make breakfast? We can try again later.”

Hilda nodded. “Great idea!”

She headed to the kitchen, and Johanna stayed behind to offer Kaisa her hand. Regardless of her nervousness, the librarian smiled when her girlfriend courteously said “after you.”

Once the three of them were already in the kitchen, the nisse hopped down from the couch and picked the golden star up.

“I don't get it.” He whispered to Alfur. “Ain’t she a witch? I thought height shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Don’t be rude.” The elf chided, gesturing for him to put the star down. “Clearly, for some reason she doesn’t want to do magic. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her it inside the house.”

“Yeah, but why?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Alfur shrugged and looked at the kitchen, noticing right away how something was off with the newest member of their household. “Humans are terribly complicated.”

_#_#_#_

On Christmas morning, there was still no star on top of the tree. None of them had payed any mind, though. What was _under_ the tree had been way more interesting.

The first to open her presents was Hilda. From her mother, she received another sweater knitted by Johanna herself, and from Kaisa, a small book of illustrations of legendary creatures. That was just a distraction, however. Inside the book there was a note explaining Kaisa had hidden the real gift under her pillow, the most informative book there had ever been written about the Barghest. Technically, it had no dangerous information in it, but in Hilda’s hands one could never be sure. Kaisa just hoped she’d found a middle ground between ‘too boring’ and ‘exciting enough to give her ideas’. Luckily, she knew even her distractor present would not take the prize of the dullest book given, for with a lot of pride Alfur had given the girl a book on elf laws.

Next, the creatures opened their gifts. Johanna and Kaisa had agreed to give a stationary set to Alfur, and a cookbook to Tontu. Hilda also gave them trinkets that had made her think of them, and even Twig got a little Christmas hat.

When it was Johanna’s turn, Kaisa got a bit embarrassed to see her struggling to open her rough wrapping, but at least the fact that she seemed to enjoy her gift helped her. It was a picture frame of beautifully carved wood, forming flower and vine patterns. Since she’d found that gift a little dry, Kaisa had also put a picture she had of Johanna and Hilda on the frame. She would have rathered give her a photograph where the three of them were there, but the only one she had was from the day she’d accidentally helped Hilda set a banshee loose on the city, and she didn’t think Johanna would appreciate remembering that. With that out of the picture, her options had been a photograph of her and Johanna, or Johanna with Hilda, and she thought the first option would seem imposing and inconsiderate.

Just like Hilda, Kaisa also got a sweater made by Johanna herself. It was purple with a pattern that resembled book spines around the brim, and a bigger picture in the middle of something that was probably Johanna’s attempt at making a catowl. Freya sniffed it with distrust.

It was Hilda’s gift that put her off. The girl was well-meaning, Kaisa knew she was, but one look at the book she’d gotten her made her stomach curl.

“It’s a book on witch tales!” She stated happily, as if Kaisa hadn’t recognized it at first sight. “I thought you’d enjoy it, I know _I_ love seeing myself in stories.”

Whatever deity there was out there, they could certainly hear Kaisa’s prayer for Hilda to not have read any of those stories, and only have selected that book because she liked the moon drawn on the cover. She knew those tales by heart. She remembered reading them on the school library and going home crying to her mother about why they were seen like _that_. All those stories were about wicked witches, who stole children and cursed ladies, and always burned in the fire in the end. 

Hilda would never do that to her, she told herself as she made herself smile and thank the girl. But the more she tried not to, the more she couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, Hilda knew what those tales were about, and still saw Kaisa as the witch in all of them.

Bad mood was certainly not the way to be on Christmas morning, so when the gift opening was over, she made her best effort to put on a happy face as Johanna, Hilda and Twig went to the park for their yearly Christmas snowball fight. Wearing the sweater Johanna had given her, she could almost pretend she was supposed to be there.

“Alright, Kaisa, the rules are simple.” Hilda said as they arrived at a clearing in the park. Aside from them, few families had also left the comfort of their homes that morning. “It’s all against all, except for Twig who is with me. Alright?”

“Sounds fair enough.” When was the last time she’d had a snowball fight? Kaisa couldn’t remember.

The fact that she was rusty did not make her gain any mercy from the two of them. For barely a second, she looked up to see droplets of ice hanging from the trees, admiring how ethereal they looked in the almost empty park, and that was enough for something cold to be thrown at her arm. Looking down, she saw her jacket had been hit by a snowball, and judging by how Johanna was hiding a childlike smirk behind her hand, she was certain she knew who it had come from.

To her surprise, she found herself laughing along as she knelt down to make a snowball of her own, both women being hit by Hilda’s while she was at it. Kaisa first got back at Johanna, but directed one at Hilda soon after, and immediately they fell into an erratic rhythm of attacking each other and trying to dodge enemy balls, often hiding behind the trees.

Forgetting what had been troubling her, Kaisa chuckled freely was the freezing air filled her lungs and made her skin become pink, not caring if she was quickly becoming drenched. This was easy enough to do, and both Hilda and Johanna were clearly having a good time as well. This was _fun_. 

It was beginning to dawn on her that if all their traditions were this delightful, maybe she could take a chance on some of them, when something began feeling wrong. Her hands were feeling hot, and not because of the icy burn from the snow.

As she looked down at them, she gasped loudly. They were glowing purple, and so were her snowballs, which floated magically in the air to be thrown in any direction at her will. She’d gotten so caught up in the fight she didn’t realize she’d begun using magic.

Instinctively, she shook her hands, which sent the snow flying all around the park. She was about to look at Johanna and hope for a sign that she hadn’t seen what had been happening when Kaisa heard a gasp from behind her which certainly wasn’t from anyone she knew.

“She murdered my snowman!” Shouted a boyish voice. Kaisa turned back in horror to see that there was a child with thick brown hair pointing at her, his mother by his side with her face twisted in anger. Between them, what was once a snowman now had a hole through it, from which purple goo dripped.

“She’s a witch!” Cried the mother. “Stay away from her, Trevor! Come on, let’s go!”

After getting up in record time, the woman grabbed her son’s hand and dragged him away, though she couldn’t stop him from shouting.

“See?! I always knew this family was evil! That one’s a witch too!”

Kaisa felt her feet rooted to the spot as she watched the two of them go away. Upon feeling a warm hand on her shoulder, she shuddered.

“I think it’s best if we go away.” Johanna said softly just in time for Kaisa to realize that even though there weren’t many people in the park, they were all looking at her with worry in their eyes.

“Yeah, come on.” Hilda tugged on Kaisa’s jacket’s sleeve, urging her to move when she seemed to be paralyzed by the stares. “That boy will make a fuss over anything, anyway.”

The walk back to their home was a silent one, which seemed to last an eternity. Kaisa cursed herself, feeling like all of the city’s eyes were on her, judging her. This family had never been anything but good to her, and how had she repaid them? By making them look like monsters.

As soon as they were inside again, Alfur’s cheerful voice greeted them.

“You’re back early! How was the fight?” 

He seemed to realize he shouldn’t have asked when Kaisa sniffed, pretending the cold had given her a runny nose. Nobody was fooled, though. Her upset was clear.

“Kaisa, it’s okay.” Johanna said as she tried to unbutton her girlfriend’s jacket, a simple attempt to make her focus on something other than worrying. “Don’t beat yourself up for that.”

Sensing that something was wrong, Freya went flying to where they were and landed close to Twig. The two hybrids seemed to be having a private conversation.

“Yeah, we’d already had problems with that boy.” Hilda added as she took off her boots. “Trevor is a jerk.”

“It’s not okay!” Kaisa bursted suddenly, making Johanna take back her hands. “I humiliated you in front of all these people! I acted exactly like he described! Evil!”

She slid all the way down to the floor, her back against the door.

“Kaisa, what is happening?!” Asking with urgency, Johanna kneeled down in front of her girlfriend. “It’s literally just a snowman! You… you’ve been acting weird for weeks now. Since we decorated It’s like you’re stepping on imaginary eggs, and I have no idea why! Just talk to me. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Her eyes were red, Johanna noticed when Kaisa met her gaze. Hilda sat down as well and put a hand on the librarian’s arm.

“It’s not about the snowman at all, is it?”

The child’s soft whisper was enough to make her spill a tear, and she looked down so they wouldn’t notice.

“I just… I know my presence is not what you were used to. Especially in a time that is so _important_ , and I don’t want to ruin it! I don’t want you to feel like you need to change little things that are dear to you just because I’m here now, and I certainly don’t want to give you a bad name. And… I also know dealing with magic is not something you like or feel comfortable doing. I don’t want you to sacrifice anything to accommodate me. You’ve done so much for me, both of you, and it feels like the least I can do is not ruining your favorite holidays.”

Their brows drawn together, mother and daughter exchanged a look as they began to understand the situation a little better. Hilda spoke up as gently as she could.

“Kaisa. You live in a house where a Deerfox is considered a pet. Where an elf lives in a clock and the nisse pops in for dinner. One where ever so often is visited by another witch or boy who has battled alongside immortal vikings. Do you really think you wouldn’t be welcome here?”

Kaisa looked up at her with her eyes shining with unshed tears.

“So much has changed since it was just the two of you in your house.” Kaisa whispered, even though she didn’t know why she was arguing against herself. It just felt good to finally admit what had been upsetting her. “You’ve both already told me the difference gets hard to bear sometimes. I know there will inevitably be changes, but I just wanted to much to be a _good_ one.”

More drops spilled from her lashes, traveling down her face. Johanna had gotten nearer while she had been speaking, close enough to catch a tear with her thumb. Kaisa glanced up at her girlfriend, thinking she probably looked ridiculous, crying on the floor over nothing.

“I just want so much to get this _right_ , Anna. I don’t want you to regret this.”

Silence hung over them for a moment, though Johanna was certain she could hear a small crack opening in her heart at seeing her strong and confident girlfriend reduced to tears over this. The situation was too close to the talk she’d once had with Hilda on the observatory, during the day of the bird parade. She’d failed all over again.

“Sweetheart.” Johanna’s voice was heavy with emotion, and she herself had begun tearing up. “You never had to worry about this. I love you. Not some version of yourself. You, all that you are, with all your magic and quirks. And you’re right, things _are_ changing for us, but it’s not the end of what we had, it’s a beginning of something even better.”

Taking Kaisa’s hands in her own, she tried to put in words what she clearly hadn’t been able to before. Had she been able to communicate better, or to foresee the pressure her comments about her adaptation to her new life and to magic would put on Kaisa, she might have been able to prevent her from feeling that way.

“But out of all the new things in our lives, I struggle to think of any better than you.” She finished.

“You” Kaisa dried her tears with the back of her hand. “You mean it?”

“Of course I do. I don’t want a life without magic, Kai. Especially if that means a life without you.”

Although she cried, now it was with relief, and she was too overcome with happiness to stop herself from lunging forward to hug Johanna, who caught her even though it made her lose her balance and fall on her backside. 

When they went to sleep that night, the star was finally on the tree, and all who had seen it being put on place agreed that watching it be surrounded by purple magic and levitated to the top was a much more interesting tradition than anything other families had.

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic with the name Kaisa! Would you look at that


End file.
